Cheating doesn't break everything. Find out what it broke.
A flirt that was confessed and a double life that was denied for a year are not the same wound. Infidelity Meter measures two things separately: how deep the damage goes, and how good the conditions are for it to heal.
You have an unfinished measurement from .
One word, very different wounds
Two illustrative examples, not real cases
"Infidelity" covers a secret flirt, a one-night stand, an emotional affair, hidden debts and a parallel family. They hurt in different places. Some damage trust, some damage your sense of what was real, some damage the future you were planning.
And the act is only half of it. Many people find that the lies, the drip-feeding of the truth and being blamed hurt more than the affair itself. So we measure the way the truth was handled separately.
Damage comes from what happened, how long it lasted, how planned it was, and how much lying surrounded it.
Recovery outlook comes from what happened after: is the full truth known, has it ended, does the person who cheated take responsibility, understand the hurt, stay open and change for longer than a few weeks.
The two are independent. A deep wound with strong conditions has a better outlook than a smaller one met with denial and blame.
Two results from one measurement
LITE result
Free
- The closest type of infidelity
- Damage and recovery outlook, each out of 100
- Where your situation lies, and what weighs more: the act or the lies
- How many parts of the relationship are cracked, and how many conditions for rebuilding are in place
Provided by Infidelity Meter, a non-profit project.
PRO result
£6.99, one-time
- All twelve parts of the relationship, named, with how deep each crack goes
- What will heal on its own, what needs rebuilding, what may scar
- Each missing condition, and what would change it, for your role
- Questions worth asking, and the ones that reopen the wound
- An eight-week plan, and signs about staying or leaving
Opened with MyFullReport PRO, sold separately by the company that holds the rights to the meter software. Your PRO result is sealed on your device; the seller never sees it.
Measurement
First, your safety
Has any of this happened in the relationship, by either of you? These aren't a "low score". They change the whole result.
In danger right now? Help now lists free, confidential lines by country.
What happened
Select everything that applies. "The person who cheated" can be your partner or you.
How long, how often, how deliberate
How the truth was handled
We measure this separately from the act. Sometimes the deepest damage comes from months of a false reality.
What happened after it came out
The same act can have a very different outlook. This is where the recovery outlook comes from. Move each slider at least once.
Where you are in time
Safety comes before the state of the relationship
You marked behaviour that can be domestic abuse or coercive control. In that case an average "relationship health" makes no sense: love and shared plans don't outweigh fear. The question now isn't whether this can be repaired, but whether you are safe.
- UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline, free, 24 hours: 0808 2000 247
- US: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- Ireland, Canada, Australia: numbers on Help now.
- Elsewhere: findahelpline.com lists free, confidential support by country.
- In immediate danger, call your local emergency number (999 in the UK, 911 in the US, 112 in the EU).
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Already written and sealed on this device. Opened with MyFullReport PRO, a one-time purchase. Nobody else sees your result. Terms
Where your situation lies
What weighs more here
Conditions for rebuilding trust
Which conditions are missing, and what would change them, is in the PRO result.
The numbers tell you how bad. Not where, or what next.
Your PRO result is already written from your answers and sealed on this device. Nobody else can read it, including us. It includes:
- all twelve parts of your relationship, named, with how deep each crack goes,
- what is likely to heal on its own, what will leave a scar, and what has to be rebuilt deliberately,
- which conditions for rebuilding are missing and what would change each one,
- the questions worth asking now, and the ones that only reopen the wound,
- a step-by-step plan for the next eight weeks, written for your role (the one who was hurt, or the one who cheated),
- signs that staying is safer or riskier than leaving, and when to bring in a therapist.
Infidelity Meter provides the LITE result free. The PRO result is opened with MyFullReport PRO, a one-time purchase from the company that holds the rights to the meter software. It receives only a random code: not your answers, not your result. Terms of MyFullReport PRO.
Already have MyFullReport PRO? Open your PRO result.
Come back in a few weeks
Damage changes slowly. The recovery outlook can change quickly, in either direction. Measure again in four to six weeks; we keep your last results on this device so you can see which way it is moving.
Infidelity Meter is not a diagnostic tool and doesn't replace a couples therapist, a counsellor or crisis support. If you can't sleep, eat or function for more than a couple of weeks, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, talk to your GP or a crisis line now. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans answer any time on 116 123. More lines by country are on Help now.
If you only suspect
Signs are not proof
A new password, late nights, a sudden interest in the gym: lists of "signs of cheating" are everywhere, and almost every sign on them has an innocent explanation too. What matters is a change you can describe in facts, not a feeling that gets stronger at 2 a.m.
Write down what you have actually seen and heard, with dates. Then, separately, what you fear. Seeing the two lists side by side is often clarifying on its own.
Don't spy
Reading their messages, tracking their location or installing an app on their phone can be illegal where you live. It also moves the conversation from their behaviour to yours, and it slowly changes who you are in the relationship.
How to ask
- Pick a calm moment, not straight after a row and not by text.
- Start with one specific fact: "You've been coming home at ten three times a week since March."
- Ask one direct question and leave silence after it: "Is there someone else?" or "Is there something you're not telling me?"
- Watch the reaction to the question as well as the answer. Anger at being asked is not proof, but neither is a smooth denial.
Look after yourself meanwhile
Suspicion wears people down. Protect your sleep, tell one person you trust, and if it has gone on for weeks, a counsellor can help you decide what to do, with or without your partner.
If something does come out, come back and measure it. If you want to understand what kind of thing it might be, read the types of infidelity.
If you were the one who cheated
Whether the relationship can be rebuilt depends more on what you do now than on what you did. The measurement above shows which conditions are already in place. The ones that matter most:
- The whole truth, once. Each new piece that comes out later is a fresh betrayal. That's why the meter counts drip-fed truth heavily.
- End contact, completely, and say how.
- No "because you…". Explaining what was missing in the relationship is a later conversation; as a defence now it lands as blame.
- Answer questions, again and again. Repetition is how the hurt partner tests whether the story holds.
- Be open without being asked. Transparency offered freely rebuilds trust faster than transparency demanded.
- Months, not weeks. Most people relax after a good fortnight. That is usually when the hurt partner starts to believe it isn't over.
Questions people ask
What does the Infidelity Meter measure?
Two separate things. Damage: how deep the wound is, from what happened, how long it lasted and how the truth was handled. Recovery outlook: how good the conditions are for rebuilding trust, such as full truth, an ended affair, accountability and lasting change.
Can a relationship recover from infidelity?
Many do, but not all, and not on their own. Recovery depends far more on what happens after the discovery than on the act itself: whether the full truth comes out, whether contact with the other person ends, and whether the person who cheated takes responsibility without blaming.
Is emotional cheating really cheating?
For most couples, yes. When someone outside the relationship becomes the main confidant and it is kept secret, the hurt partner often experiences it as a betrayal as real as a physical affair. See emotional affair.
How long does it take to rebuild trust after cheating?
It usually takes months rather than weeks, and there is no reliable timetable. What can be measured is whether the conditions for rebuilding are in place, which is what this site does.
Is this a diagnosis?
No. It is a structured self-check to help you see your situation more clearly. It does not replace a couples therapist, a counsellor or crisis support. The methodology explains exactly how the numbers are calculated.
Are my answers stored or sent anywhere?
Your answers stay in your browser on this device and are never sent anywhere. The PRO result is also written and sealed on your device. If you get MyFullReport PRO, only a random code goes to the seller of MyFullReport PRO: not your answers, not your result. Details in privacy.